中出少妇视频

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Trump should ditch the King James version of the Bible. What about the King Donald version?

A month after hawking gold high-top sneakers for $400, Trump is trying to capitalize on the Easter weekend with his 'God Bless the U.S.A. Bible.'

Palm Beach Post

Donald Trump中出少妇视频檚 latest effort to fleece his feeble-minded flock doesn中出少妇视频檛 go far enough.中出少妇视频

A month after hawking gold high-top sneakers for $400, Trump is trying to capitalize on the Easter weekend with his 中出少妇视频淕od Bless the U.S.A. Bible.中出少妇视频

中出少妇视频淗appy Holy Week! Let中出少妇视频檚 Make America Pray Again,中出少妇视频 Trump wrote on his social media site. 中出少妇视频淎s we lead into Good Friday and Easter, I encourage you to get a copy of the God Bless the USA Bible.中出少妇视频

Trump is skimming royalties from the sale of Bibles priced at $59.95 plus shipping, fees and any medical expenses buyers may incur from being struck by lightning.中出少妇视频

Former president Donald Trump supporters hold up a bible  across from Mar-a-Lago in Palm Beach, Florida on March 21, 2023.

Trump announced his latest shakedown while violating the Ninth Commandment with his usual flair.中出少妇视频

中出少妇视频淎ll Americans need a Bible in their home and I have many,中出少妇视频 Trump said on his social media site. 中出少妇视频淚t中出少妇视频檚 my favorite book.中出少妇视频

The idea of the semi-literate Trump having a 中出少妇视频渇avorite book中出少妇视频 is about as likely as him winning the golfing championships at Mar-a-Lago without resorting to an unlimited supply of mulligans, strategically kicked balls, mysterious drops and clenched-teeth silence.

He probably thinks the Book of Revelations contains the Mueller Report.

But my beef with Trump中出少妇视频檚 Bible is that it中出少妇视频檚 not a Trump Bible but just an already available King James version wrapped in a bunch of performative patriotic packaging.

Trump is calling it "the only Bible endorsed by President Trump." 中出少妇视频But rather than putting a fancy cover on an established 中出少妇视频渄eep state中出少妇视频 Bible, Trump ought to be selling his own Bible 中出少妇视频擳he King Donald version, one that worships himself, the less-than-divine being who has always been his one true god.

Former President Donald Trump speaks during a watch party for Nevada中出少妇视频檚 Republican caucus in Las Vegas on Feb. 8.

That中出少妇视频檚 far closer to the truth than this lazy effort to dislodge the last buck from the graduates of Trump University.

So, in an effort to help Trump, I中出少妇视频檝e begun doing the necessary rewrites. Here中出少妇视频檚 a sampling of that effort:

The Beatitudes

King James version: 中出少妇视频淏lessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.中出少妇视频

King Donald version: "Blessed are those who find some votes in Georgia. For they will not inherit the death threats."

The story of the loaves and fishes

King James version: 中出少妇视频淛esus answered them and said, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Ye seek me, not because ye saw the miracles, but because ye did eat of the loaves, and were filled.中出少妇视频

King Donald version: 中出少妇视频淭rump answered them and said, Very powerfully I said ye should try drinking the bleach, and ye will see miracles.中出少妇视频

The money changers in the Temple中出少妇视频

King James version: 中出少妇视频淎nd Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all of them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers 中出少妇视频 My house shall be called the house of prayer; but yet have made it a den of thieves.中出少妇视频

King Donald version: 中出少妇视频淎nd Trump went into Mar-a-Lago and said, my club shall now be a den of fools who must pay a higher initiation fee in order to have a prayer of talking to me out on the lanai.中出少妇视频

The Second Commandment

King James version: 中出少妇视频淵ou are to have no other gods before me 中出少妇视频 thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me.中出少妇视频

If Donald Trump gets convicted,can we just lock him up inside Mar-a-Lago's tower?

King Donald version: 中出少妇视频淚 hit DeSanctimonious high. I hit him low. I hit him from under the ground. People said, 中出少妇视频淪ir, what happened to him? He中出少妇视频檚 a shell of a man.中出少妇视频 If somebody says a little bit negative about me, or doesn中出少妇视频檛 endorse me, I will hit them very hard, very powerfully.

The Crucifixion

King James version: 中出少妇视频淎nd about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?中出少妇视频

King Donald version: 中出少妇视频淎nd on election night, Fox News was the first to call Arizona for Joe Biden. My god, Fox News! Why have you forsaken me?中出少妇视频

The Resurrection

King James version: 中出少妇视频淔or the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first.中出少妇视频

King Donald version: 中出少妇视频淔or Trump himself shall declare victory before the polls are closed, and with Trump as God, he shall free the January 6 hostages first.中出少妇视频

The Impossibility of Sin中出少妇视频

King James version: 中出少妇视频淲hosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God.中出少妇视频澲谐錾俑臼悠

King Donald version: 中出少妇视频Whosoever is President Trump has complete and total immunity, even if his seed does not remaineth in him or the nation中出少妇视频檚 nuclear secrets are moved to his Florida bathroom.中出少妇视频

In case you missed it:DeSantis activates Florida State Guard again on Haitian immigrants desperate for safety.

The Virgin Birth

King James version: 中出少妇视频淎nd the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God. And behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb.中出少妇视频

King Donald version: And they said, 中出少妇视频楽ir, nobody can overturn Roe v. Wade,中出少妇视频 and it was a miracle when I did it so fast, so fast. And now teen rape and incest victims, women with fatal fetal abnormalities, and women who need abortions to save their own lives are being forced to conceive in thy wombs. Thou art welcome.中出少妇视频

The treatment of immigrants

King James version: 中出少妇视频淔or I was hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in.中出少妇视频

King Donald version: We must build a great wall to stop the invasion of the migrants. They中出少妇视频檙e not people, they中出少妇视频檙e animals, cannibals and speaking languages no one has ever heard before.中出少妇视频

Frank Cerabino is a news columnist with The Palm Beach Post, part of the Gannett Newspapers chain.